Could be interesting

So, we leave tomorrow for the wedding. There is a tropical storm in the Gulf that we may be flying over. Also, I have decided to leave my tablet at home (this is MAJOR since I am addicted to it).  I figure I probably won’t have time to “play” so I don’t see the need to bring it. I’m also hoping that a forced separation will help break the cycle of me playing with it constantly.

So, “entertainment” for this vacation will be a novel (or two) and a book of Sudoku puzzles. HHMMM, definitely going to be interesting.

Anyway, I’m totally stressed about this trip…mostly because I still have to pack, but can’t do that til I drop the dogs at the boarding kennel. If they see me with a suitcase they freak out, so to save my sanity and theirs, I’m waiting to pack.

I have been running around like a crazy woman the last few days trying to get last minute items picked up as well as getting a haircut, a mani/pedi and finding a place that could repair Hubby’s sunglasses. Which I did manage after going to three different places! and only because the very nice lady at the third place suggested the “eyeglass repair” shop! Why didn’t I think to Google “repair” shop? Oh well, it’s done now and I now know where to go next time!

24 hours and counting…Hubby has been asking since Monday if it’s time to go to Mexico yet! So glad we are getting down to the wire on this. Yes, I’m stressed but I wish it was tomorrow already! I’m starting to get impatient and just want to get there.

So, Here’s to Britney and Robert! May you enjoy all the Joys of Marriage and be Blessed with a lifetime together!

What makes a “Friend”

Websters Dictionary defines friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion’ and defines acquaintance as “a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend.”

I have found myself pondering my “friendships” lately. Why do I often feel as though I am the “casual friend”? You know, the one you call when no-one else is available or the one you invite because you feel guilty that you haven’t talked to in a while.

Recently, someone I consider a very good friend posted a Happy Birthday message to a mutual friend. In the post she went on and on about what a “Wonderful Person” and “amazing friend” the other one was, and on my Birthday all I got was “Happy Birthday.” (OK, yes, I’m jealous. Yes, I’m a little upset.) But this got me to thinking, am I not a good friend? Am I missing some essential quality that makes someone think of me as a wonderful or amazing person? I have always considered myself to be a good friend to those I know. When one of my friends is sick, I am the one who takes food, or picks up medicine at the store and no, I don’t expect to be “paid back” or expect the favor to be returned. I do it because I care. I am the one who will drop everything when a friend needs help. I am the one who will bake those cookies you love, just because you have a craving, or make a keepsake quilt for your child. Aren’t these things a “friend” would do?

Is it time for me to step back and really look at our friendship? Is our “friendship” one-sided? Now, this is one of the girls from Naples. I have known her for 17 years! We have been through a lot, but now, I feel like she only calls when she “feels guilty.” Yes, I understand that life does get in the way, and we are all busy and do have separate lives. But at the same time I feel like I am the “convenient” friend, because she knows I will drop everything if she needs something. So, again I ask “Is this friendship one-sided?”

Am I the one who doesn’t understand “friendship” or am I just letting myself be taken advantage of because I have a soft heart or a misplaced sense of loyalty?

Low Carb Diet

So, Hubby decided he needs to lose weight (before it becomes a health issue). HIS IDEA!

I’m behind him 100%. He suggested low carb, so I did some research, and sent him a list of “good options” and foods to remove/avoid/cut down on. Let’s just say…he’s not happy about it. Especially the “no/limited starch” thing. This is a man who grew up eating rice daily…Rice is a staple, and if I let him he would eat it for every meal!

Also, he is a sugar addict, like 3 tablespoons of sugar in his morning coffee addict!

Anyway, he wants me to “clear out the pantry” but I won’t. I believe he needs to just learn some self-control when it comes to choosing foods, filling his plate and snacking.

Now, I did make a low carb dinner for him…it did not go over well. He was “hungry” and “unsatisfied.” I made baked chicken and a huge salad. No starch. He said we needed potatoes or rice or at least a piece of bread. Sorry Honey, those are starches!

I don’t think the “diet” is going to last…why? you might ask. Because right now my Hubby has no will-power! Seriously, the first few days are the hardest! OK, maybe the first week or two, but you do adjust! I cut out alcohol and let me tell you, I went from drinking 1/2 to a whole bottle of wine a night to having a glass of wine maybe once a week. The first night was so hard, the first week was rough, but I did it! (I actually cut out alcohol for an entire month to begin with.)

I really don’t understand why he thinks eating a low carb diet is going to be so hard, he stopped smoking cold turkey…5 years ago and hasn’t had one since. I don’t see that this is that much different.

Anyway, not sure how long this will last, but I don’t mind. It gives me the opportunity to incorporate more veggies into our diet. Maybe I can get him to eat more veggies and just slowly wean him off the rice and potatoes.

Here’s to trying anyway!

 

Random

Well, the paperwork for Ellie has been started, now we wait…

I’m finished with my course work, but can’t decide about the job hunt…because of waiting for Ellie. Should I be serious about a job search, when it is completely possible that I may have to quit when we bring her home? Is it fair to a new employer?

Also, Hubby informed me that “we” will be taking care of our 4 nieces and nephews for about a week in July while their parents “take a trip” to take care of some business. And by “we” I mean me because Hubby will be working. So, another reason to question the whole job search deal.

Sometimes I feel like I am the one who always needs to give up something. Why is that? When I first got married, I gave up a job I loved because Hubby was stationed in another state. Then after finding a job there (it was on OK job, but not something I wanted to do forever)I had to quit because he got Orders to Italy. Jobs in Italy (for Military spouses) were hard to come by (and paid crap wages). After coming back to the states, I had a hard time finding work because of my “sporadic” history. I found a couple different ones, but they were never anything I loved, or was even happy doing if I’m being honest. And I always ended up leaving those positions because Hubby would push for me to quit because I was “miserable” or the hours were odd. Long story short, if Hubby felt he was being inconvenienced by my working I would need to quit. Oh, he never came right out and said I needed to quit, but if I complained about a bad day he said I needed to find something else. If I had to work late and couldn’t get home to make dinner or if my schedule interfered with his plans he would get angry. So, I have always just quit because it was easier than fighting him. Geez, this makes him sound like a monster. He’s not! Maybe I’m just in a mood to complain today. Yes, Hubby drives me crazy sometimes, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.

Anyway, Christine informed me this week she is not attending her sisters wedding! Granted the wedding is in Mexico, at an Adults Only resort and Christine has 3 children that were not invited, so would need child care of some sort. But I can’t believe she is just NOT GOING! She could have gone by herself and left her husband with the kids, or stayed at the Family Friendly resort next door. It just seems selfish (?) to me to just not go. I mean, her sister gave her all the details 6 months ago, so she would have time to plan for it. Hubby and I are going though, but I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to hang out with Christine. Anyway, Christine decided that instead of the wedding, they are taking a “family vacation” to Orlando and taking the kids to Disney and Universal studios, and she wants me to drive down to visit! Really?

OK, I am in a mood to complain today. Must be PMS or the weather or something. So, I’ll just sign off before I write something I’ll regret.

I hope all of you are having a better day than mine!

 

So busy!

Has it really been a week already?! Whew, time flies, doesn’t it?

So, an update on what has been happening…

I finished my coursework (finally!) and passed my final! YAY ME!!!! Also took my Certification exam…and passed! WOOHOO! Now, to update the resume and change career fields.

I decided to go ahead with the change in medications…still not really convinced that the Birth Control (NuvaRing) is the best option, but I’m willing to give it a try if it will end the frequent bleeding. I decided to take a break from all the hormones for a week or so though (sshhh, don’t tell the Dr!). I’ll start the NuvaRing next week and we’ll see if i have any adverse side-effects. I decided to wait til next week instead of starting ii right away because we are going to a wedding in Mexico and I didn’t want to have to worry about having a period during that time…hopefully I won’t have to worry about it!

We have started the process to adopt Ellie, so I’ll keep you updated as that progresses.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, Hubby has a promising 3rd interview with yet another company. They are flying him to their Corporate headquarters next week…fingers crossed!

My Nephew still hasn’t called, but he is sending photos of Andrew. He’s such a cutie!

Mom is talking to me again…she finally realized she was wrong for what she said about Vickie, so that’s good I guess. I still haven’t been able to convince my Parents to come visit though…They want me to head back to Texas to visit them, but it’s so expensive! Especially since they don’t have a place for us to stay so we have to get a hotel! I even offered to help pay for plane tickets or gas, whichever they prefer and they still won’t. I really don’t understand what the issue is, and it makes me sad.

I guess that about covers it! I have another busy week ahead, so will post as time allows.

Results of Dr Appointment

So the long and short of it? I’m not happy with the current regimen and not convinced about the new one.

Dr says my hormone levels are great, right where they should be for a woman my age. But because of the bleeding (averaging 5 days of bleeding for every 14!) she thinks it would be best to switch “therapies” and wants to put me on birth control. OK…but I have had adverse side effects previously with birth control. I gained 15 pounds in the first 3 months of taking them. As well as experiencing severe nausea post pill ingestion, forcing me to swallow pills immediately before bed and hoping I would be asleep before the nausea occurred. Then there was the “breakthrough” bleeding mid-cycle after I had been taking the pills for a couple years.

Dr claims that with “NuvaRing” these side effects would be diminished. Although according to my research there is the chance of weight gain, nausea, risk of blood clots, vaginal irritation and/or discharge, breast pain/tenderness/swelling as well as other side effects. Seriously?! I realize all medications come with risks and side effects, but I have to question whether this is really worth it?

At this point I’m ready to call the whole thing off, but now because of being on HRT for almost a year, I will get to re-experience all those wonderful menopause symptoms. Yay! (insert sarcasm here)So, what do I do? Hubby is upset that I am even doing the HRT and is of the opinion that I should be using a holistic approach, since he doesn’t believe in taking any medication for anything. I’m serious, he even fights me about putting an antibiotic cream on a cut!

I feel like I’m caught in the middle and don’t know which path to take. Any suggestions from my readers? Has anyone else had to make a similar choice?

Busy Week!

Oh my, how busy the last few days have been! An update….

Ok, so after my last post about my Nephew I did write him the following letter:

I hope you are doing well and congratulations on the birth of your son. I hope he is everything you could ever want in a child. I’m sorry you feel like “our side of the Family” has always tried to tear your family apart. If I ever made you feel that way I apologize. It was never my intention to make you feel like that. I always tried to do what I thought was in your best interest and always tried to show you that I loved you. Even when Paul and Vicki were fighting and I felt you and Scott were caught in the middle, I tried to shield you as much as I could when you would come to visit. Paul would drive me crazy and make me so angry when he would drop you off at my house on his weekends then take off with his buddies. I wasn’t angry that I got to spend time with you, I was angry that Paul was ignoring you. It wasn’t fair to you and Scott and I told (yelled at) him repeatedly about it, but Paul is stubborn and always did what Paul wanted to do without regard for the consequences. For that I am also sorry, you should not have had to deal with any of that. Divorce is hard, especially on the children who end up caught in the middle. I don’t know why, but the children always seem to be the ones who suffer the most because Mommy and Daddy play tug-of-war with them and use them to hurt each other. Even when I didn’t agree with Vicki, I still admired her for sticking to her guns, in regards to you and how she was raising you. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to defend her, I tried not to talk negatively about her in front of you, and if I ever slipped and did say something bad about her then I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart I apologize. Anyway, I just felt like I should tell you these things. If you want to talk, I’m willing to listen.

Too much? Maybe. But! the good news is he did respond with a promise to call me and has sent a couple of texts with updates on how my Great-Nephew is doing and growing, so I’m considering the effort a positive step.

About Teresa, she finally contacted me on Friday and we had a nice long chat on Saturday…while Hubby was helping her Hubby move their stuff from storage to the new house. Apparently, I was over-reacting to her “not speaking to me”, she has been sick, trying to work, take care of the babies, and helping get the new house ready for move-in. I knew part of this and was pretty sure the “ignoring” me wasn’t deliberate, but I’m a worrier and an over-thinker and tend to get upset over silly things. Anyway, we made “tentative” plans to get together next weekend.

School…Almost there! Only one chapter left to read then I can take my final and finally be done! Woo Hoo!

Last night Hubby and I went out to celebrate our Anniversary (better late than never, right?) and while doing a wine tasting, ran into an old friend of Hubby’s that he hasn’t seen in about 12 years. So, we ended up having dinner with James and his wife, which turned out to be a lot of fun!

Tomorrow, I get to see the Endocrinologist about my HRT…I’m hoping she will readjust my dosage because this bleeding for 5-7 days then not bleeding for 7-10 days before it starts again is getting beyond ridiculous and I’m ready to stop the hormones COMPLETELY if she can’t/won’t do something about it! Last time I complained she suggested birth control pills…but I do not like that option, there are just too many negative side effects with those and even though I really don’t consider myself a “religious” person, I don’t believe in birth control. So, lets hope for an option I can accept and some sympathy from the Dr.

Oh, yeah my Mother won’t speak to me…I guess she’s still mad about me telling her she was wrong about the Michael situation. Hubby also spoke with William about when they are supposed to come visit and he said that the kids get out of school in June and then Wendy is having surgery and he doesn’t know how long her recovery will take, so he can’t give us a time frame on when they will be coming to visit. I understand (or at least I’m trying to) but this is kind of inconvenient especially since we were planning on scheduling Ellie’s adoption around their visit.

Also, Hubby did not get the promotion, the company decided to hire from “outside” and the other company Hubby was interviewing with decided not to offer him a position also. So, we’re both upset about that, but moving on. Hubby is also pushing me about finding a full time job, but so far I’m not having much luck (mostly because I refuse to work for $10/hr, since with my experience and education I should be getting at least twice that). Job hunting sucks and employers who under-pay are even worse.

I think that’s about it. Let’s hope for a good and productive week!

Struggling

So, I’m having a conversation with myself about addressing this “situation” with my Nephew Michael. I feel as though I should tell him how I feel about the whole thing. I don’t believe he would actually talk to me on the phone, and since I no longer live in the same state I can’t exactly show up on his doorstep. I guess that means I should write a letter, but do I send it as a personal message or should I do an “open letter” on Facebook? I struggle with this because I  believe a social media site is NOT the place to air “dirty laundry” and believe me when I say there is a lot of “dirty laundry” in this situation. But at the same time, there are some things that do need airing that could benefit everyone involved (or possibly get me dis-owned). If I send a personal letter how much do I tell? Do I bring up how difficult his Mother was? I don’t want to place blame and I absolutely refuse to apologize for my Mothers behavior. I want to be totally honest with him, but I also don’t want to make him feel like he needs do defend himself or his Mother.

Michael was one of those children that took everything personally. I remember one time when he told me he wanted to go to college (proud moment) to be a video game designer (he was totally addicted to video games at the time). I told him that was a wonderful idea, but that degree program would involve numerous math and computer programming classes. He yelled at me and told me “Why are you always so negative!?” I didn’t think I was being negative, I was simply stating a fact, but he didn’t see it that way. From my point of view, warning him about the curriculum was valid, as he was already struggling with math. I don’t know, was I wrong? Was I being negative?

It seems I am over-thinking this…I thought getting this down, here, would help me decide what to do, but I am struggling with this. Do I? Don’t I? Get involved (with the potential for making it worse)? Don’t get involved and hope it resolves itself? Hubby says I should leave it alone as it “doesn’t involve us directly” but I hate to think that this could cause such a big rift that I would never see my Nephew again or meet his son.

Crazy Week

What a crazy week it has been! My great-nephew was born, I got in a fight with my Mom and my Dad, my friend won’t speak to me, and Hubby actually helped me clean the house!

Great-Nephew and fight with my Mom…these go hand in hand. So, my Nephew (Michael) and his girlfriend had a baby last week. I didn’t even know they were expecting! I knew my other nephew(Scott) was expecting, but not that Michael was. Anyway, Mom sent me pictures, in an email with no explanation, just pictures of a new-born. So I replied “Whose baby is this?” (I really wanted to add “and why should I care?” because she has sent me pics before of babies of people I don’t even know) Her response was “your Great-Nephew Andrew Jaxson” (I have to laugh at this name choice! Sorry). So, I called her to congratulate her on being a Great-Grandmother and all she did was complain to me about how she didn’t get invited to either baby shower (the one for Andrew or the one for Emma…Scott’s soon to arrive bundle) and how she thinks Scott’s girlfriend (Courtney) is a “B*tch.” So, that started a conversation about why she feels that way. Apparently, because Michael wouldn’t send any pictures, Dad asked Courtney to send pictures…Courtney’s response “No, he’s not my child.” I agree with Courtney, Andrew is NOT her child and she has no business sending pictures without his parents’ permission. Well, Mom and Dad don’t see it that way, so they were upset with me for “siding with the B*tch.” So I sent Michael a “congratulations on becoming a Father” message on Facebook and saw he had posted a rant about how “my” family has been trying to tear “his” family apart ever since he was a child and how he has had enough. (This is the oldest child of my brother Paul and his ex Vickie…it was a very contentious divorce and custody battle, but that was also 18 years ago.) So, again, I called Mom to find out what had happened. Mom got in a fight with Michael about not being invited to the baby shower (Vickie deliberately left Mom off the invite list) and told Michael his “Mother is a B*tch and always has been.” So now Michael wants nothing to do with this side of the family. Now, I can see why Mom feels that way, Vickie has always tried to keep those boys away from us. Mostly because she was/is mad at my brother and has always used those boys as a way to “get even” with him for the divorce. Anyway, I told Mom she was wrong for saying that…and now she’s mad at me! Crazy, right? I guess I was supposed to side with her…but even though I agree with her (Vickie is a B*tch!), I don’t think she should have told Michael that.

OK, so my friend, Theresa, won’t speak to me and I don’t know why. Theresa is one of the girls from Italy who happens to live in the same city as me and we still get together and talk pretty regularly (when schedules permit). Anyway, I know she is really busy right now…Work, 2 young children and working on getting their new home ready for move in (replacing flooring, painting etc). So when I sent her a text, followed by an email I didn’t expect a response immediately, but it has now been a week and she hasn’t replied. Anyway, the not responding at all is not like her. I sent her a text telling her I was sending an email with a request for some info on the company she works for, since she works in the field I am finishing my course on. She suggested to me a couple months ago that I apply where she works to get the experience I’ll need for a better paying job. Now, I don’t know if I should send another text asking if she received my email? Should I wait longer? Should I send a random text to see if she responds to that, then ask about the email? I even sent a text a few days after the first one asking if she wanted any help at the new house or if she needed help moving in. No response…

And the bright spot in the week? Hubby helped me clean the WHOLE house! and I didn’t even have to ask or nag! I LOVE this man!

Oh and Mother’s Day was yesterday…. 😦

Potential Adoption

I refuse to get my hopes up. Sad, right? The thing is, we have been here before, only to have it turn upside down and end up with nothing.

Let me back up a bit.

Hubby’s cousin (Michael) lives in the Dominican Republic, Michael has a 5 year old daughter (Ellie). Ellie’s mother walked out when Ellie was about 6 months old and only comes back once or twice a year. So Michael, with the help of Mami (my Mother in law) is raising Ellie. Michael wants Ellie to have better opportunities, so he has asked us to adopt her and bring her to the US.

Hubby has been speaking with an immigration lawyer and we can do this for about $1500, a trip to the DR, and a minimum amount of paperwork. Sounds easy right? All Michael has to do is give us a Power of Attorney, fill out some paperwork to “transfer” custody to us, and then Hubby and I would make an appointment with the Consulate, fly to the DR and take Ellie to the appointment to make her our legal daughter and get her a US Passport before we bring her back here.

I, personally, think it sounds to good to be true. If it was that easy, wouldn’t more people be adopting from the DR? We attempted to adopt a little boy from the DR about 6 years ago. He had been abandoned by both parents and was living with Mami. He had been in her care for about 6 years. Mami had taken him to the courts to have him “declared” as her legal son so she could give us custody (again for better opportunities). The court only gave her temporary custody because one or the other of his parents would show up every few months, so according to the courts Carlos had not been abandoned. When adoption was discussed with his parents they demanded that we give them monetary compensation! Can you believe it? They wanted us to buy their son, and they also wanted us to sponsor them so they could come to the US on a Visa! Needless to say, poor Carlos still lives with Mami, although we still send Mami money regularly so he gets enough to eat.

So, back to Ellie. I really, really want to get excited about adoption, but I just can’t. I don’t think I would be able to deal with the heartache if it falls through. Hubby is so optimistic about it working and wants to get started on everything right away. I do to, and according to the Lawyer, it should take about 60 days (possibly less) to complete everything.

60 days…that means she would be here about mid-July or so. Good timing as far as teaching her English before school starts in the fall, and letting the culture shock wear off a bit. But bad timing for us. See, we have a family wedding at the end of June (normally wouldn’t be a problem, but its in Mexico at an Adults only resort and we have non-refundable reservations…already paid in full). Also, Hubby’s Brother and his family are planning to spend 2 weeks with us in either June or July (no definite dates yet). Hubby and I discussed this and how it would potentially impact Ellie. We think having the family here about the same time she arrives would be a bad idea. I say this because William and Wendy have a parenting style I don’t agree with and I foresee some “issues” arising. Also, I would be the only non-Spanish speaking person in the house and, I assume, Ellie would probably not feel the need to learn English, which I am sure Wendy would encourage. (Wendy undermines me at every opportunity, and goes out of her way to remind my Husband of an ex-girlfriend that just so happens to be her best friend).

Anyway, Hubby and I have decided that the best thing for Ellie would be for it to only be the three of us for a couple months so we can all “get used to each other.” So, now when should we start the paperwork? If we start it now and the process goes faster then anticipated, she could be here in June…but wedding and Wendy. Should we wait and start the paperwork in June? I don’t know…trying not to get excited, but really just feeling a bit overwhelmed. There is just so much that would need to be done, not much time to do it and I keep asking myself “Am I ready to be a MOM?”